hi, am just exploring this side of myself and am very interested in daddy doms, having looked at a lot of the web sites, it does seem that most are just looking for casual / nsa sex. Not what i want soooo… how do i find a real dom, daddy or otherwise?

 

Hello there, and thank you for writing! While it may be true that a lot of them are looking for just that – casual sex, not all of them are that way. The best advice that I can give you, is to go slow, take your time in searching, really get to know them. A lot of  people look for local munches and events to find like-minded people, I would suggest that, if you have not already. You never know who you will meet! Don’t get discouraged, the one you are seeking is out there! Good luck! xo

Hi i’m feeling a bit lost right now. I’ve been in a relationship for almost 7 years and for most of the time everything was great. she had expressed to me about being submissive and i was very interested in being her daddy. For the most part she told me that i made her feel safe and when i was spanking, choking, pulling her hair she felt even more safe. Then about a year ago things started to change, and she started to grow distance, i wont lie i knew she was talking to another guy and this just made me so insecure and caused me to loose all my confidence as her daddy. Now i find out that they have been living an online daddy/little d’s relationship and it hurt me because i was always her daddy. we did break up for a bit even though we still lived together and were still having great sex. when everything came out she told me that it was all fantasy and that it was because she felt safe with the way things were for them. i know they met in RL a couple of times and i told her i can forgive anything that may have happened. She told me that she ended it because she know it was fantasy and wanted to work on fixing everything between us. my problem is she told him what she wanted something she never told me, and that hurts, i’ve been reading up on the relationship she is interested in and i already fit just about everything that i’ve ready. There is nothing i want more than her happiness, she is the center of my universe and i always tell her she’s beautiful and praise her when she does well in anything from making dinner to picking a movie i want to watch. What i need help with is i’m afraid the other relation will come back, she explained to me that she never submitted to me (even  though i thought she did with calling me daddy and marking her self with Property of Steve) Now that she has told me she wants to work thing out she said she don’t think that we can have what they had, she doesn’t know if she can trust me  (and she has a point i did look through her phone and e-mail when i knew things were changing but before she never minded we trusted each other and everything was open to each other before she started keeping secrets) I just don’t know how to build our trust again, and if it does get built she told me i should know how to treat my baby girl I’ve read your rules and punishments and i think she is just more interested in the sexual part of it not the 24/7 even though i’d be happy with both. i guess what it comes down to is she thinks i’m to sensitive to be a dom daddy, i just need to know how to prove her wrong. I know this is kind of long but from what i can tell about the lifestyle nothing is all that short and plain and i thought you would need more info to give me any help. Thanks for any advise you can give me.
Steve

 

Dear Steve, thank you for writing to me, and I really hope I can help some here. And I apologize for the delay, I’m working on catching up here still.

First, let me say that in what you have told me so far, you sound like a very caring and wonderful Daddy. And it is completely understandable to why you may have lost your confidence in being one. So, I’d start there, get your confidence back. One thing us little ones want and need to know is that our Daddy/Mommy/etc is in control, confident and will be there to help us in all areas of being little. Remember that *you* are the Daddy, your job is to know what is best for your little one – or to help her figure out what is best for her. You both need to, as equals before you continue on with the path of this dynamic, establish what is really wanted and needed . a 24/7 Daddy/bg relationship? A, just in the bedroom Daddy/bg or Dom/sub dynamic? Once you do this, you will both know what is wanted and expected. Perhaps you both sit down and make a list, and then compromise your wants and needs. Use ‘I’ statements , “I feel_____, when you ____” , then – sit down and communicate all this with one another. If I have learned anything in life, and especially the world of D/s, it is that communication is really the key to everything. Look at it all like a giant puzzle, and you both are the pieces – you need to talk talk talk, and figure out what works for you both, what you both really want, need and expect. Complete honesty is needed here, no holding back – all cards on the table. Talk till you are both blue in the face, if need be!

Be prepared to need to let go of the past, and start fresh. Don’t let the old things get in the way of what can still be a wonderful thing!

Start there, and when you have your end results, and would like further guidance on where to go from there, in whichever path you decide – please feel free to email me personally at brokencricket@gmail.com, and I will be more than happy to help further if I can.

I wish you both all the luck, take it slow, and talk talk talk! And remember, in making her happy, you are making yourself happy, but let it go both ways – let her do the same for you!

Best wishes,

tabby xo

Hi,
I’m new to this site and information. Born/raised vanilla but always loved bdsm (since i discovered sex) so im definitely a sub that way.
as for DD/bg lifestyle did you ever freak out at the thought of not being able to have any control over yourself?
e.g. i don’t like making decisions all the time but i still want the right to choose.
also no offense but (i’m guessing) it is a big stereotype that baby girls have father/”daddy” issues. how are you able to separate the mental image of your biological dad from your Daddy?
as for children how do you separate or include the lifestyle with parenting because the mom has to be dominant to the kids too, right?
thanks and sorry if i offended anyone, i’m just confused. and a little interested.

 

Hello, and thank you for writing! Your email was not offensive at all, all your questions are very understandable when it comes to this dynamic.

I will start with the control issue, do I ever freak out at the thought of losing all control? I think it would be understandable for a submissive to have this fear, especially if new to the lifestyle. But for me, perhaps it’s odd – but I freak out over the opposite. I freak at the thought of having to have that control again. I can handle the control, over myself or what needs to be done, don’t get me wrong, but in this aspect of my life, I find I am much more content with Him having it. I don’t want it, at all. Perhaps because since the age of 9 or so, I had to have all the control of an adult and more. But, you should always know that you are a person, and deserve to have your limits. Hard, or soft. You do have the right to choose still, and any good Dom will respect your wants and  needs and remember that.

As for this dynamic and stereo types- Sure, it can be a stereo type, but it can also be true.  For me, it’s easy to separate the two. The images in my head between my father and my Daddy Dom, are so completely different.

I will say that I have found in other baby girls/littles and those with the Daddy/Mommy Dom dynamic, that the majority of them do have issues in their past, and in living or embracing this lifestyle they are getting a lot of things out of it that they didn’t get as a child. A chance to be young, security and etc. That however, doesn’t mean that all that embrace this, have Daddy issues or a hard past.

Parenting and the lifestyle: For us, it’s all about balance. Our kids know that Dad is the Boss around here, but they also know that Mom is like the 2nd lieutenant, lol. When it comes to parenting and many other aspects of our every day life, we are still a team, and work together. Balance, balance, balance. It truly is the key to so many things in life.

I hope this helps some, and I apologize for the short thoughts on it all, the new baby is a little chow hound and my time to write is still pretty limited at this time, but I am working on getting caught up here. Please feel free to write again, or comment if you have more questions or would like me to go into further thought on any of this.

xo tabby

Note: The definitions used in this post are not the only way roles can be defined. There is no solid black or white definitions because everyone looks for different things from the lifestyle, so they definite terms the way they choose. Definitions contained in this post are the definitions that I use in my life and use with those who come into my life.

Dom: Dom, short for Dominant, is just what it states in the name. A Dom is someone who is Dominance. They are Dominant in and out of the bedroom. They are Dominant in all parts of their existence, no matter their job roles. Now let me say this; a dom does not want to dominate everyone that they meet. Far from it, Dominants want to be dominant over the one(s) who submit to them. They enjoy a power exchange relationship.

Master: Originally I wasn’t going to put this in here because a Dominant and a Master tend to be the same thing; however that’s not really completely true. You can’t be a Master without being a Dominant, but you can be a Dominant without being a Master. Typically one who calls themselves a Master is either one who follows the philosophies of a Gorean lifestyle or one who lives in a full-time power exchange relationship.

Top: A top is someone who wants to dominate sexually. Literally, be on top, but not be the Dominant one on the relationship. They aren’t really interested in the power exchange aspect of a relationship, they’re more interested in the fetish and sexual aspects of the relationships and be the dominant in those situations. A lot of times, a Dominant is equated with being a Dominant, but they aren’t really the same thing.

Guardian: A guardian is just what the name implies, one who guards another. The role of the Guardian is to make sure that the submissive is safe. To make sure that the submissive isn’t making dangerous choices. To make sure that the submissive is making the best decisions, not decisions out of desperation because they are not with a Dominant. They may be a Guardian of an owned submissive who’s owner is away for some reason. They may be a Guardian to an unowned submissive, a friend who has lost their Dominant, perhaps a sisterly or brotherly manner. A Guardian may or may not set rules and boundaries for the submissive outside of the role of Guardian, depending on the situation, but they never, in any way, take on a guardianship of a submissive if they know or even suspect that the submissive may have feelings other than friendship for that Guardian. They especially do not take on a guardianship of a submissive, owned or unowned, that their own submissive has ill feelings toward should they be involved with a submissive of their own.

Mentor: A mentor is one that has been in the lifestyle for a while, one that you can count on to guide you and answer questions that you may have. They are not physically involved, nor are they emotionally involved in your relationship. They are, however, an outside observer that will help either party when they need it. They can be a friend in the lifestyle or someone that they’ve just met. The only thing that matters is that the mentor be more experienced.

..for the emails, congrats and well wishes… Shawn-Patrick is doing well, but nurses constantly! lol. Hungry little man!

As for me I am adjusting well, and feeling much better than I did during the rough pregnancy. I am very much in love with my  hungry little hippo, who checked in at his 2 week appointment at 7 and a half pounds.

I have quite a few emails and some Dear tabby’s to respond on, please be patient and I promise I am getting to them.

Hope you all are well, and I hope to be back to normal posting soon.

xo tabby

Meet Shawn Patrick Steven. Newest son of Tabby and her Daddy. He came into the world on February 9th. He weighed in at 7 pounds 6 ounces. Tabby had a bit of a rough labor but both Mommy and baby are doing QUITE well, as you can see from the pictures (There are 2 more under the read more link!).

I expect that Tabby will be gone for a while once she gets home, since she’ll be taking care of her newborn, so please excuse the dust until she can return to us.

If there are any topics that you want me to write about from the Big perspective or from my personal experience, please let me know.  I’d be happy to write about whatever you want!
Read the rest of this entry »

Okay, I’ve been in and around the lifestyle for a while now and I’ve always been amazed by those who claim to be poly, who want to date a couple, but when push comes to shove, they really only want one half of that couple. So here are my rules for now NOT to date a couple.

1) Text, Email, Private Message, Call, Blatantly Flirt with one half of the couple and treat the other half of the couple as a passing acquainted. Really, there’s nothing more obvious than that. If you want both members of a couple, then you need to treat them both equally.
2) Visit one half of the couple at work, yet never attempt to see the other half of the couple. This is another obvious sign that you’re not really interested. You take someone lunch at work, spend their break with them, yet never do the same with the other party, you’re not interested in both of them. Why not invite them to dinner or go visit them both at home?
3) Act like a creepy, stalker, weirdo! Yeah, showing up at ones workplace is really creepy, especially when you’re wanting to date a couple who is married. Not only are you intruding on the person’s marriage, but you’re also making the co-workers suspicious of the person you’re wanting to date. Way to cause someone to lose a job!

Seriously, if you really want to date a couple, date a couple. If you only want one half of the couple – be honest about it. Don’t intrude on their relationship, thinking that you’ll change their mind and let you only be involved with one half of the couple.

In the changes over the last months, I have found myself to become – very out of place.  The stress, the pregnancy, the staying with very vanilla friends and our lifestyle being put in such drastic hiding etc. really took a toll on my submissive side, as well as my ‘little’ sides.

Once we got moved into our own home, I knew things wouldn’t just bounce back into place, I knew it would take time, understanding and patience. But, I did think it would happen sooner.

Yesterday I really started to feel it, that — out of place, disconnected, empty feeling. Was it the small rules I have been breaking without admitting them to Daddy? Was it because I have to spend so much time resting and being out of slave/submissive mindset with the pregnancy, and not take care of Him as I long,want and need to do? Was it the changes in my body and mind due to coming off of the meds? The pregnancy hormones? ……  Was it me, or Him? Sure, He has been more busy – school and work are keeping Him running, in turn, He has been more distracted, but with very good reasons. A lot of new stresses, a new job, new responsibilities on top of the old, money, Xmas,a baby on the way,worries about my health – heck, He has a lot on His shoulders.  And He really handles it all very well. He still treats me wonderfully, He does everything He can for me and our family.. He deserves major kudos for that, and everything else that He does.

So, laying in bed last night, I of course started to analyze things here. It couldn’t be Daddy, along with everything mentioned above, His Dom side has been all the way in tact, He definitely wasn’t the one out of head space here.. it was me.  He has actually become quite the skilled and strict Dom that I need, He has grown comfortable in His own Dom skin, which He always  has been skilled at, He has a Dominant personality as it is, but it’s been different – in good ways. Consistent, strong and everything else that makes a good solid Dom… He has it all.  The things that happen when you are new, and new to the lifestyle are no longer there – it’s like He has been my Dom all these years. So, that left me – for sure. So why so out of place? So, disconnected?

I am sure all things mentioned above have played a factor here, but in my eyes, it’s no excuse to have become – well, a pretty bad submissive as of lately. Don’t get me wrong, I have not been disrespectful, or have not crossed any real lines… I have not danced around making any real serious trouble.  Yes, there have been comments that really shouldn’t have been  made – or rules that I have tested and flat out broke.. but more so, I am referring to not being that dedicated submissive and slave that any submissive knows that they actually crave and long to be – the one where they do everything out of the thought of making the Daddy/Master/Sir/Mommy/Mistress etc. proud and happy. It drives you to behave, to do as you are told – to please them is such an awesome feeling – that completely blows away anything that you could ever feel with someone else trying to please ‘you.’

So, what have I done to try to fix this? Well, so far I am trying to put my head back into that place – and more importantly, I told Daddy of my realizations. Told Him that I am fully prepared to kneel naked at His feet and beg to be put back into place – to re-break me, and then to please put me back together. He is a mechanic after all, He can tear me up the first night – and put me together in whatever He wishes. Because really, that is the point – being everything He knows I am capable of being, and being His 100%, mind – body and soul.

One thing I have  learned in my time in blog land, is that long breaks have serious downsides. One being, it’s hard to jump back into posting and getting back into the groove of things here. The other of course being – how many readers are still out there waiting patiently for posts to start happening around here again? If you are still out there, thank you for your patience!

With that being said, a huge thank you goes out to my dear friend and mentor Bella, for keeping up with things around here.

Now, the vanilla side of the updates:

As most of you know, I am pregnant. I’m currently in my third trimester and getting close to month 8. It’s been a hard pregnancy, but we’ve been making it through. It became more of a challenge when my Daddy got a weeks notice that He was to start His new job within the next week. We literally had a week to pack and move. We then stayed with some friends of ours, in their basement – with no privacy, kids all on top of each other, no walls! It was stressful, but luckily we all got along with everyone really well while there. We adore our friends, and they are great people, but 11 people in one house (a very vanilla house at that), definitely had it’s stressful moments. Especially with my being on  bed-rest, trying to come off of my meds and everything else that was gong on at the time.

A few weeks ago, though, we got into our own house. We are now slowly getting settled in and unpacked and such, and things are starting to return to normal. Well, as normal as things get for us anyway.

In the time of being in the house, I have accomplished the biggest goal of what I had been working towards this whole pregnancy here, and that was coming off of the medicine I had been on since my last three surgeries. Before getting pregnant, I had worked my way down from liquid morphine, to diluadid, to others till I was down to oxycodone. I spent most of the pregnancy trying to cut back and wean myself down, and the doctors had reassured me that the major risk would be the baby being born addicted to it, and would have to go through withdrawals. They told me I had till my 8th month to get off of them to avoid him going through withdrawals and such. I managed to do it by my 7th month, and although very difficult, I am making it through without them. I really don’t want to ever have to go back on them again, for it was a very long road with being on them, and I am hoping to find and learn other ways of coping with the pain without using the medicine as a crutch.

Other pregnancy news: The baby is doing well. They had found that I had placenta previa, but last week we found at the ultrasound that my placenta has luckily moved up far enough to have a normal birth. I have gotten several infections this pregnancy, and have been on antibiotics 4 times now. The latest and most current is an e-coli infection that is really kicking my toosh energy wise. Makes it frustrating when you have a house to unpack and are dying to turn into a cozy home. But as Daddy says, one thing at a time, and resting is more important for me and the baby right now. Luckily, my boys are a lot of help (most days) You know how pre teens and teens are! lol.

I think that is about it for the vanilla side of things. I have much to catch up on here, and my next post is in the works, geared towards the non vanilla side of things. Thank you all for the patience, kind words I have received via email and messages and all of your support. It’s good to be back, and I hope you all are doing well!!

xo tabby

Hello everyone…i am pretty much attempting here to come off of this hiatus, but please keep in mind that i still won’t be around as much as i used to be for now, but, better then none at all.

As some of Y/you that know me on fetlife may have already heard, Daddy and i are expecting a baby, due around Valentines Day! With my prior surgeries and everything, this pregnancy has been a bit on the harder side, but now that i am fully into my second trimester here, i am starting to feel a lot better…i still have to be careful with being on a higher risk pregnancy and having to rest in bed most of the time. But you will be seeing more of me.

Daddy has been taking wonderful care of me throughout it all, as far as even making me a Thanksgiving type dinner here in the at the time August heat! Was so craving sweet potatoes/turkey and the whole works! Now though, it has switched to Mexican food. But anyway, with this not being mine and Daddy’s first,  He is a pro at pampering and taking care of me during pregnancy. The one hard thing for me so far however, has been just laying back and letting Him. With being His sub/slave, it’s hard to not want to jump up and always take care of Him like normal. But He has laid down new rules for while pregnant, and the first and most important He says, it to learn to let Him take care of me right now.

Throughout this week, i will be working on catching up on some things around here.. and keep an eye out for some new articles and reviews! Hope everyone is doing well out there, and i send Y/you all my heartfelt thanks for Y/your once again patience, and the many many Dear Tabby well wishes and hellos i have received over the months! They all have been read and noticed and so very welcomed, thank Y/you all from the bottom of my heart!

xo tabby xo